Your Proactive Caregiver Advocate: Dr. Cynthia Speaks!
Topic: Caregivers: You Have a Bill of Rights!
Today I had an in-depth conversation with a client about the reality of burnout caring for a difficult family member. There is no shade here, but her loved one was in the military, a career of giving orders, and now he is dealing with a life-altering illness that is out of his control. While I understand what she is facing, I quickly shifted the conversation to …did you know that Caregivers have Rights? Have you heard that we, as caregivers, have rights? They are called Your Boundaries! Let us talk about it!
You must set them, and our loved ones must respect them. As caregivers, we often must be reminded to take care of ourselves. I wish this would be the first thought instead of the thoughts that erupt before we feel overwhelmed and burned out in well-doing. Realize that every caregiving situation is different, but there is a common trend: the need to remember self-care and not let guilt rule self-care actions or activities. The goal of self-care is to recharge and refresh so that care can take place for our loved ones.
A Caregiver’s Bill of Rights-Boundaries
You have the right . . .
To take care of you!
To seek assistance from others!
To express feelings without explanation or guilt!
No Need to Struggle with Caregiver Bill of Rights
It is unrealistic to think that caregivers do not deserve time off. Look at it from the standpoint of working a 9 to 5 job. We got off. We go home. Well get a good night’s sleep to get up and do it all again. I have to remind my client that being a caregiver is a full-time job, and rest and downtime is vital. The many hats worn by a caregiver in thought only is exhausting, so we have to do a better job of reminding our loved ones of our rights. As I share my proactive tips with others, families, for whatever reason, do not expect to be “the one,” the person chosen to care for an aging loved one. But when it happens, and now are on the airplane what are the instructions given: put your oxygen mask on before helping others. Noticed that the instructions start with self. This concept is difficult because selfless people never put themselves first. It is the nature of caring. That maternal concept must change in the caregiving space. Even giving and doing your best, your right to self-care must be fundamental. There are such things as being firm and loving. Our loved ones, especially those who have given orders all their lives, now must take them can create some challenges and contentious encounters. But out of love, putting your foot down will save you from developing health issues and burnout. I am giving every caregiver who has a bossy loved one to give yourself some grace. Set boundaries!
As Your Proactive Advocate, I assure you that being stern while loving will help your caregiving journey. There will always be surprises along the way. Situations happen where the best plans can derail. When that happens, you deal with the situation as best you can, regroup, and continue to provide the loving care you are designed to give. As you care for your loved one, consider your risk of developing a health condition because you did not set boundaries. Be Safe! Be Well!
Dr. Cynthia J. Hickman is a retired registered nurse and case manager, CEO of Your Proactive Caregiver Advocate and author of From the Lens of Daughter, Nurse, and Caregiver: A Journey of Duty and Honor, and The Black Book of Important Information for Caregivers.
Website: www.cynthiajhickman.com
